In case you missed the memo, Mark and Kevin have split up. And while it sucks that they’ve broken up – shit happens. Couples break up all the time, couples break engagements more often than our helplessly romantic hearts would like to think of. We’re suckers for happy endings, we repress this sort of unfortunate endings.
And now that the seriousness is out of the way – HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME!!! The Queen Frau is going apeshit on Twitter, and I can’t contain my excitement.
OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY! This blog post is practically writing itself!
Last night, the Queen Frau signed off with,
I miss kevin and mark lots
Little did she know the horror that New Year’s Eve had in store for her.
So, naturally, her first reaction was,
I’m not going to tour end of
I refuse to go not worth it for me I hate shane nicky n kian so no point
Wait, is Mark so heartbroken he’s not doing the tour? No? Oh okay so… was Kevin meant to perform? No? So uh… how is this breakup going to make the tour any different for Kerry?
Oh right, I forgot. It’s not really about the music, is it? It’s about stalking your favorite gay boybanders. Turns out it’s not even about Mark, it’s about his ex.
tbh my dream can never come true so don’t want to ever see him again
Your dream of being the meat in a Marvin sandwich? (You’re VERY welcomed for that mental image.) I don’t think that would’ve happened either way, Kerry.
i dont want to ever see any of em again now .whats the point in me going to shake throw up and feel terrified for fuck all
Funny, that’s my reaction at seeing Kevin too.
im in my pyjamas with no plans for anything ever atm just give up
im doing fuck all dont have a reason to live
That’s alright, Kerry. You only have another year to drag on in underachievement, unemployment and self-pity. I hear the world is about to end. On the plus side, none of this is going to matter when a meteor hits the earth/a star goes super-nova on our asses/aliens invade and kill us all/a sequel to the horrible movie “2012″ is released.
By the way, most of these messages are @ replies to people, I’m just sparing these people the Westlife Tards fame.
coz i dont want to see mark ever again now .. id rather never ever see shane nicky or kian again than not see kevin
not to me i cant stand shane or nicky .. i like kian but not bothered if i dont see him again and theres nothing else i want
You do remember this is the guy that played background part in a failed boyband, and then spent the last 7 years taking some pictures, pretending to be a photographer and riding Mark’s fairly-long coat-tail, right? And that it’s kind of sad that you realize this, because you know you wouldn’t see him without Mark.
Our Queen is feeling a bit manic-depressive today. Manic…
@JunM85 june please leave me alone! … u are vile and disgusting and nicky cant stand you! hahahahaha
Depressive…
pain only affects the good people in this world …. dick heads manage to always be happy and get best of everything
And darn right unpleasant…
hope you suffer hell on earth . grow up you piece of crap!
If you’re wondering what brought that on, all that person did was wondering what Kerry would do about this Marvin situation.
im devastated atm i think i may just end it all had enough nothing to live for atm
Oh Kerry, we all know you’re all talk and no action. Your suicide threats have stopped impressing anyone. And the wolf is asking that you stop crying out his name, because he can’t sleep with all of your whining.
And also, do I really have to say it? Do I really have to say – “for fuck’s sake, people break up all the time, not to mention they’re strangers and that it’s kinda disturbing you want to kill yourself because two strangers decided to go their separate ways”? Yes? But it falls on deaf ears anyhow….
After the initial throwing-her-toys-outta-the-pram, she writes a carefully worded note to her favorite (living) gay boybander.
@markusfeehily im totally devestated wish you both all the best 4 the future i will not be coming to see you on tour though thanks for all
I’m so glad Mark is too busy living life to see this. If he does see it he’d wonder why this tard is making it all about HER when he’s the one that just broke up with the man he thought he’d spend the rest of his life with. And why is he supposed to care she’s not going to the tour (which is a blunt lie, I mean we all know she’ll be out in full force a-stalkin’ for one last hurrah).
u fucking evil witch .. if i saw you face to face id beat you to a pulp
i adored kevin more than any other member of the band .. and im not going alone and to be treated like crap just to see mark
Oh dear me, she’s having delusions now, thinking Kevin is in the band! No, dearest. He WAS in A boyband, a different one called V, and they failed miserably and were dropped. He’s not in Westlife.
well i havent been out since march and wont be out again not going to tour sat in tears have no fam no friends noone
When you say you “haven’t been out” you mean you haven’t been a-stalkin’, right? Cause you like, left the house in the last 9 months, right? I don’t know about the “no fam”, you do still live in your mother’s house, do you not? And I’m glad you’ve finally hit realization about the friends thing. I mean, I’d hate to say “I told you so” but — who am I kidding? I fucking told you so.
il have a horrible evening … doing fuck all .. got fuck all to look forward to and devastated
Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I’m sitting at home doing fuck all as well (midterms… also known as my lecturer’s excuse of going on vacation for a week without having to cancel classes).
sorry im just sat in tears atm
There comes the waterworks!
y shud I go on my own? Wud break my heart can’t stop crying
Weren’t you going to go on your own anyway? Wait, you didn’t expect Kevin to sit next to you and gossip while Shane’s belting out his solos, right?
Its not worth the hate just to see him. Nice to see u didn’t say come with us if u don’t want to b alone
Well when you put it QUITE LIKE THAT, “darn gosh it, Kerry, would you like to come with us? You’ll be a ball of fun to have around!”
I’m really reeally upset I’ve lost someone I care about
Oh for fuck’s sake. The dude’s not dead!
its the fact I won’t see kevin again unless ur gonna do something practical to help don’t contact me again
Harsh! This same person (rather naively) suggested this break up could be a good chance for Kerry to go out and get a job, meet some new friends. As if it’s Kerry going through the life-changing break up. But we all know Kerry isn’t even qualified to say “do you want fries with that?”
I can’t stop crying just devasted I won’t see kevin ever again got my photos with him framed n dnt no what to do with em
BURN THEM!…. just me wishful thinking?
doesn’t help its like sayin someone won’t b in pain now they r dead doesn’t take away the pain
so when diana died n people cried for weeks or when stephen died n people cried? A loss is a loss and painful
But he’s… not… dead…
I want to die
I’ve no reason to live
devastated
can’t stop cryin
u may not but I care and adored kevin n the fact I’ll never see him again breaks my heart
Greek Tragedies aren’t as dramatic.
And on this bright note we shall abandon our Queen Frau. Doesn’t seem likely she’ll play a new, different tune. It’s going to be the same ol’: Cry. Threaten suicide. Not commit suicide. Repeat to infinity.
Happy new year, my good friends. May it be filled with joy and much tards a-stalkin’!
Oh, TheCommitted, I missed you so. And it’s not just because it’s run by my good buddy Susan, I generally think there’s a big black void where .com’s forum used to be for Westlife Tards gathering on the interwebs and WestlifeForum.com just ain’t filling it. For some reason, the Tards just don’t seem to flock there in hordes of sheer and utter stupidity. And if they do, I have to really comb out the weird and the demented and I honestly don’t have time for that shit. (I mean, final year of my BA degree and I had the masochistic urge to take on three different seminars in one semester. Someone please kill me.)
But TheCommitted, well that seemed to always be a fun reliable place for arguments of EPIC PROPORTIONS. Maybe that’s because they offer super-illegal media on that site that you’ll never find on the ol’ .com forum, or on the new pretending-to-be-official WestlifeForum.com (there’s a fancy looking illegal DVD of the Gravity Tour on TheCommitted. But you didn’t hear it from me), and this super-illegal media content draws in all kinds of creepers, alongside the familiar faces of more mature fans that populate the site. The combination is an amusing one. Troll-Tards come in, drop a bomb of sorts and all I have to do is get my lawn chair and popcorn out (well, maybe skip the lawn chairs, it’s cold outside) and watch the old-timer frauen go apeshit like fresh-faced Tards.
Here’s a fun fact I didn’t know (but then again I’m so busy I hardly know who my favorite One Direction guy is anymore… oh right, I don’t even know their names), on the Japanese version of the Greatest Hits there’s a bonus track aptly titled “Over and Out”. Roger that, lads! (I couldn’t help it, I’m sorry) Anyway turns out CDs cost a shitload of money in Japan (ya don’t say!) and to prevent buyers from simply buying imports, they’re adding a bonus track to give the kiddies an incentive to buy the CD in Japan.
Well, the folks over at thecommitted had a blast listening to that song and lamenting the lack of Kian/Nicky lead vocals (what else is new?) until a Troll-Tard came visiting. And the fun ensued. Are y’all comfy in bed under the covers with a cup of tea in your hands? Cause I sure am!
UNFORTUNATELY THIS SONG IS NOTHING BUT A FUCKING COVER FROM Newton Faulkner….
GO AND CHECK IT YOURSELVES: Newton Faulkner, over and out, 2009
If you don’t notice they are just the same, you must have some intellectual important deficit…
Feehilysexdevil, for an example, has an important intellectual deficit and will not notice it…
Someone‘s changed the lyrics a little but not its content and meaning and the rhythm is
exactly the same… I expected much more from the last westlife song ever than a bloody
cover trying not to look like one…
Westlife IPSIS LITERIS defecated this GH albm…
Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!
Lets start with the question of the validity of this Troll-Tard’s claim. It’s pretty fucking valid. Faulkner’s song, from his 2009 album “Rebuilt By Humans” (that charted at #3 on the UK chart) is indeed the same song, except Westlife’s songwriters/producer changed some of the lyrics and the arrangement slightly. But other than these rather minor changes, it’s the same damn song. But I guess that’s not too horrible since Faulkner didn’t release his music in Japan so the Japanese are not going to know any better and it’s a bonus track anyhow, it’s not meant to be representative of anything.
Now, lets talk about this “important intellectual deficit” my good friend Feehilyssexydevil seems to have. LOL! I mean, I don’t disagree, she’s a dumbass, but I find it interesting this Troll-Tard is singling her out. I wonder what she ever did to it.
If you were also wondering what “Ipsis Literis” meant, it’s in Portuguese and it pretty much means “verbatim”. Thank you, Google Translate. So this person is saying that this Japan-only bonus track has pretty much took a dump on (DEFECATED!) the Greatest Hits album. Funny, there I was thinking the fact all of the non-#1 singles were put in a corner called CD2 regardless of whether they’re good songs or not was what made this GH album shit. Well, that and “Last Mile of the Road”….
But this doesn’t end here! Our relentless friend posted the following a mere 10 minutes (and zero replies) from his last post.
What the hell! Do they have any problems, issues with brand new songs?
And I think it‘s really anti-ethical to divulgate a song as yours once it is not…
No one knows this Bloddy Weird Newton, especially in Japan…They don’t even know Jesus
there…
Wish to see if they got guts to cover I want it that way, changing the lyrics a bit.
Where do I even begin?! Primarily the Troll-Tard is replying himself (it’s a him now, he’s called Rodrigo. Rrrrrrrrrrodrigo!) as if he’s someone else outraged of these news he just posted. Which makes me suspect a United States of Tara complex.
Then there’s an ANTI-ETHICAL issue of divulgating (?!) a song as theirs even if it’s not. Allow me to reply to this, dear readers (hey, what choice do you have, really?). Primarily, Westlife have done more covers than days Kerry Twigley spent working in the past decade. They’ve never really came out and insisted a song is theirs even if it’s a cover. Sometimes they acknowledge the fact they’re singing a cover and sometimes, they just don’t. It doesn’t mean they’re claiming the song is theirs, they’re just not bothering addressing the issue because it’s a freakin’ Japanese bonus track not even meant for you, Rrrrrrrrrrrrrodrigo. Also, lets ask your buddy Faulkner if he thinks it’s anti-ethical all the royalties money he’s getting by the mere fact Westlife are using one of his songs in a country that otherwise doesn’t know nor care to know who he is. Hell, they don’t even know Jesus there!!! (Maybe that’s because the Catholic crusaders never bothered slaughtering their way into Asia?)
And lastly, Backstreet Boys themselves recorded a version of I Want It That Way with different lyrics and you know something? It makes fucking more sense in that version.
9 minutes and zero replies later, Rrrrrrrrrrrrodrigo is back.
Someone must be asking how I got to know this song was a cover…
I typed “Come in can you hear me” in Google and all of a sudden it showed a lot of results
with this same sentence in a song called over and out by Isaac Newton in the afterlife…
I got curious then and went to check it on youtube. The guy is simply bizarre.
He hasnt take a shower for 10 years at least.
Excepting the bizarre things and instruments on his song, that obviously results from his
personality, te music is a copy from westlife‘s one…
Then I wonder which song was released before, a dumb question though, once over and out
was released yesterday.
But I thought it could have happened just like with Backstreet boys and a country singer with
helpless when she smiles and troble is. They released the same song simultaneously.
But Isaac Newton‘s song is from 2009.
Only a time machine, invented by Einstein almost two centuries later, through a theory much more complex than Newton‘s mechanics could explain this anti-ethical westlife behavior.
My mind, it has just been fucked. And I have a headache.
THIS JUST IN!!! Isaac Newton, the English physicist, mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist, and theologian, the same guy who brought you gravitation-from-the-apple and you-know-something-church,-I-think-the-Earth-is-not-quite-the-center-of-the-Universe, HE, aided by his friend Albert Einstein who, 2 centuries later, invented a time machine, has written and released “Over and Out” in 2009! All of this so Westlife could be anti-ethical 2 years later and release it as their own! Wow. Tell me your mind doesn’t feel violated from all this mindfuck.
After this came a stupid discussion between other people on what is Westlife’s last song ever. Is this dreck their last song ever? (if so, someone forgot to inform the UK Tard-Base), is “Last Mile of the Way” it? (just cause it’s the last track on the CD doesn’t make it the last song) or maybe “Beautiful World”? (well, it’s certainly their last SINGLE, at least until the inevitable reunion) Who gives a shit?
Unfortunately for Rrrrrrrrrrrodrigo, barking up the Feehilyssexydevil tree is dangerous cause the crazy bitch is a mod.
Firstly Rodrigomed,personally I don’t think you are worth wasting time
over but seeing as you continue to make ridiculous comments on various
subjects in order to try and get attention and start arguments,I will
deal with your latest ridiculous ramblings and then leave you with a
warning over your future conduct and how it will be handled in future.
Rawr! The claws are out, beware Rrrrrrrrrrrrodrigo.
All of this over a stupid bonus track? That’s just silly, man. Keep calm, and read Henry James with me.
Remember Tanja? If you’ve managed to forget, or you’re new around here, Tanja is the batshit crazy German frau who pooped out shitty fanfiction plots in the pretense that they’re real actual legit facts. She used to be a Mark tard, but his admission that he likes cock has stirred her from mild insanity to Freud-would-have-a-field-day-on-your-ass sort of demented.
Well, she just won’t give it a rest. She continues crapping out the most ridiculous accusations she could possibly come up with about Westlife (I bet she’s watching a shitload of soap operas and telenovellas), just waiting for someone to take the bait.
Recently she’s been trolling German website sauknolle.de and posting as “ich” on their guestbook. Here’s one of the good ‘uns, to those who speak fluent German.
Ich weiß es eben. Das die Zwillinge nicht von Nicky sind, das sieht man doch!!!! Die sehen doch nur seiner “angeblichen” Ollen ähnlich.
Und die von Shane sind in Wirklichkeit von seinem Bruder. Die sind sowieso die größte Lügengruppe die es gibt, die ihre Fans so verarschen und andere Gruppen von denen sie Songs krottenschlecht nachäffen!!!!!!! Es sind über 100 Songs, die sie nachgeäfft haben. Und die Fans glauben ihnen jedes Wort. Ich bin froh, daß ich von dieser Gruppe weg bin, die nur aus Lügen besteht!!! Ich warte nur noch auf den Tag, wenn raus kommt, dass alles nur gelogen war!!! Dann seid Ihr die Dummen und ich kann nur laut lachen, denn mir hat ja niemand geglaubt!!!
“Say what now?” I hear you cry. “Can we have this in a language we can actually understand, like the Queen’s English?” Sure thang, my friends. Thanks Moritz, who translated it.
I know it. It’s obvious that Nicky isn’t the father of his twins, you can see it!!! They only look like his “alleged” wife.
And Shane’s children are in effect the ones of his brother. They are the biggest liar who exist, they bullshit their fans and cover Songs from other bands very badly. It’s about 100 songs they have covered.
I’m happy that I’m done with that group which is only persisting on lies. I await that day when the truth comes out , that this whole thing is/was built on lies. You will be the ones who are stupid and I’m the one who is laughing out loud, because no one believed me.
There you have it. Shane and Nicky have, in fact, not fathered their own children. I’d just LOVE to hear your theory on who is the true father of Rocco and Jay. I mean, is it God? Is Georgina the new Virgin, bringing us the children of the Lord? Or is it, in fact, Kevin McDaid, the man paid to pretend to be Mark’s one and only true love?
And for someone who is “done with the group” you sure spend a lot of time trolling fansites for them. Is their eminent split a comfort? Would that give you relief? Or will you continue entertaining us with your wild-yet-soap-opera-imitating imagination?
If you’re wondering, by the by, why Tanja disappeared from these fine pages of the Westlife Tards blog, it’s the fact I bore of people who actually WANT to be featured here. There’s something in their irrational rage that I get a kick out of, and with Tanja practically begging to be featured here, I felt uncomfortable indulging her.
But don’t think she took this calmly. 11 months after my last blog post concerning her she sent me this e-mail, out of the blue, and for no apparent reason. LOL with me, friends.
Dear Brandy,
I guess you are very surprised to get an email from me. Sadly there’s a damn good reason why I write to you and I hope you’ll understand why.
Oh, I can’t wait to find out why.
You surely can publish my email on you site if you want coz I don’t care about it. There are just a few things I want to let you know.
I don’t know why you think its fun to treat people you don’t know so wrong and making fun of them. I don’t know why you put people consciencelessand respectless on a pillory. Is it really so much fun???
Yes, it is. Especially when these people are batshit crazy like you, and practically beg to be made fun of.
I guess it really must be that funny to ruin other people’s life just because you have such a big problem with them. Maybe you are just jealous and envious to them??? Who knows??!!
Sure, sure, I’d love to be a crazy German in her 30′s still obsessed with a boyband she’s supposedly done with, spouting hatred and lies on the internet.
Luckily I don’t care about your site anymore and Westshit and their fans. Maybe that’s a reason why I found your site so late.
Maybe that’s also the reason why it took you ELEVEN MONTHS to send this e-mail, and why you’re still trolling Westlife fansites.
To be honest, when I found myself on your site I was pissed. Didn’t know what do to. Coz I didn’t know that fans can be so mean. Sadly only fans of Westshit seem to be that mean and insulting. Or have you ever seen fans of other groups doing this what you do?? I guess, you haven’t and wanna know why? Because they are more mature as any fan of Westshit.
Actually, you DID know Westlife fans were “so mean”, you made sure to whine about it often. And yes, I have seen fans of other groups/singers/whatever do the same, who do you think taught me all I know?
Anyway…. I know you published this site because of me.And I guess your site wouldn’t be that successful if I wouldn’t exist. What would you do now, if there wasn’t me??? Would you still be sitting on your couch, totally bored and watching some daily soaps or would you even prefer more your boyfriend or husband?! I guess you would.
I’m actually not married, and I blog from a desk, not from my couch. And I can’t remember the last time I saw daily soaps, since I have a job and attend university and all of those fun things people my age do with their day.
And darling, you’re having delusions of grandeur. Just ask Kerry Twigley, I apparently made this site all for HER, not for you. She even took the Queen Frau crown away from you. That must’ve been quite a disappointment.
Maybe your boredom is also reason enough to hack my msn account all the time??!! Who knows?!
Bitch, please. I don’t know how to hack jackshit. Haven’t you already figured out I’m quite useless?
I bet you still know that I found out your address, phone number, etc…. which is also on my site to see. I guess you still living in the Lincoln Street in London, right?! Coz my msn account got hacked from London, Lincoln Street over the last few weeks. And 1. is it funny to see that you are still living there and 2. you are the only person who knows who is in my msn messenger. You still remember your Tweet about “Nick Carter” and that I would have his email address on my messenger???
What amuses me is you still think I’m called Brandy Alexander. And seen as it’s a fake phone number/address, that I’ve never lived in London and that I doubt very much Lincoln st. exists in London, it’s a wonder someone happened to hack your MSN from there and that you managed to locate the hacker’s location to THAT EXACT SPOT. Oh, and LOLz at the claim you have Nick Carter on your messenger list. I was jokin’ around, you dumbass.
Anyway… there are also some things on your site who just 1 person could know. And its funny to see that those things found the way to your site. So tell me how could you know about if only 1 person knew about??? I hope you know what I wanna tell you with that? Special accomplices!? Or even just a good brain with a second sight??!!
I’m actually not following. Is it so hard to grasp someone you fucked over turned to me and spilled the beans on you? I’m sure you could even fathom a guess as to who if you weren’t so near sighted. What’s this thing about “a good brain with a second sight”? Are you saying I can see the future or something? Cause that would be rad.
Wanna know what’s also very very funny?? Your name is nowhere registered in London and there is also nothing to find anywhere about someone with the name “Brandy Alexander”! Strange, right!? So does “Brandy Alexander” really exist as a real person??? Or maybe “SHE” is a “HE”??? Who knows??!!
DING DING DING DING DING! The funny thing is, that even before telling y’all who I am, I’ve repeatedly stated – to Tanja as well – that Brandy Alexander is not my real name, that it’s a pen name. But she believes what she wanna believe, I guess. I’m glad as heck she finally caught up, though.
And I guess you know its forbidden to hack and spy other peoples account!? Is there the jailhouse waiting for someone who doesn’t exist as “Brandy Alexander”???!!!
Question over question an
Sure, sure. Send me to that jailhouse and we’ll do the jailhouse rock! Sing it with me, Tanja – warden threw a party in the county jail, the prison band was there and they began to wail…
So…. Let’s find a compromise… you delete everything about me on your site and you write a big apology!!! And I don’t report you as hacker to the police… so, what do you think??? Is that a compromise for you???
Nope. And you’ll soon see my actual reply to her.
I mean, hacking and calumny at the same time?! I don’t think that you have a chance to proof it wrong.
I don’t think you have a chance to prove that it’s right.
And sadly I have screenshot of everything you posted and tweeted about me. So, is there a chance for you to get out of that trouble I can bring to you???!!! Nahhh, I don’t think so.
So, I give you time until January, 31, 2011 to delete everything about me on your site. If not, I will use to go to the police to report you as hacker and slander.
Any questions??? If yes, don’t be afraid to write back.
Now ist up to you!!!
Indeed it is. And here’s my reply to her.
Dearest Tanja,
You need psychological help. You really, really do.
“Brandy Alexander” is a pen name. It’s not my real name. It’s been stated over and over again on the blog, and it’s in the FAQ section. It’s no secret. The address on Lincoln street? Fake. I don’t even live in London. I imagined someone SO smart and clever like you would’ve figured it out by now.
Also, the accusations about MSN hacking – I don’t even know your MSN address, nor have I ever hacked it. I don’t really give two shits if you believe this or not.
It’s also shocking how self-absorbed you are. My blog has been online since August 2009, but I’ve only posted about you several months ago. So I can’t really see how you decided I’ve made the site for you. I’ve also not blogged about you in a while and you know something? I don’t miss it one bit. I still get traffic on my site, I still get comments, it’s business as usual at Westlife Tards headquarters.
You’re unimportant. And you’re uninteresting. And it’s sad that it bugs you so much that you have to try and annoy me into writing about you again. I won’t. I honestly can’t be bothered. Do yourself a favor, get a life. Get a hobby. Get a pet. But seriously, find something to do with yourself to keep you from obsessing over gay boybanders you can’t have.
So please, PLEASE go to the police. Do me this favor and waste their time with your rambling nonsense. Nothing would make me laugh harder.
As for your “compromise” offer, my reply is a big ol’ “Fuck you”, with a flipped finger on the side. I remove nothing from my blog. Especially not because I’m being demanded to remove it. Just ask Christina Vinter and Kerry Twigley. They’ll tell you how successful they were in having me remove the posts about them.
Yours,
Brandy Alexander (not my actual name)
Funny story. At the time I was telling my mother about Tanja’s e-mail and my reply to her. We were at a store in line to pay and when I said my reply was “a big ol’ Fuck You”, the woman in front of us in line actually froze and gave me a reproachful look for cussing. I told her to mind her own goddamn business and stop eavesdropping on other people.
So what did Tanja do with this reply? Sent THREE DIFFERENT E-MAILS in reply.
Uno.
Many thanks for your proof! Thank you! You did a good job!
Uh, sure sure. You’re welcomed etc..
Dos.
By the way… do you have email addresses of those girls you told me of??? Never heard about them so would be lovely of you if you could give me their emailaddress or something where I can contact them! Thank you!
Oh yeah, sure, I’d love to help you supposedly bring me down. I don’t understand how in HER mind this made sense.
Tres.
You’re unimportant. And you’re uninteresting. And it’s sad that it bugs you so much that you have to try and annoy me into writing about you again. I won’t.
How was that again?? YOU WONT!? Strange, you write you wont publish me again, but you do…. I dont need to understand you, right?!
Anyway… would be lovely from you if you could get me any contact adresses of the girls you told me! Thank you!PS: I really cant wait a special day. Than Im sure youn will regret your blog.
Here’s the bad news: I still haven’t regretted doing this blog. So you’ll have to keep waiting that special day. The good news is that it only took me TEN MONTHS to go back on my word to blog about you. Ain’t that lovely?
I’ve never replied to any of those e-mails, by the way. I just never felt the need. But my reply to you HAS altered slightly, Tanja. It is now a resounding “Go fuck yourself”. Can’t wait to have this conversation in public with my mother
Poor Westlife. Poor, poor Westlife. Here they are, doing the very last stretch of television promo in their boyband careers, trying to finish this with all 4 limbs intact, and the assholes at T4 decide to give them quite a fright.
This fright comes in the form of Jane Holmes (nee – Fogg), the woman with 10 (8? 9? That depends on who you ask) Westlife tattoos.
I mean, check out Shane’s “oh fuck, not again” expression and Kian’s “I can’t believe this is really happening” awkward smile at being told by the douchebags at T4 that Jane is, in fact, in the studio.
And look at the terrified look on Shane’s face, and the incredulous “I don’t know how to respond so here’s my best cheesy smile that I’ve developed to perfection over the past 14 years dealing with people like this” grin that Kian has on. It seems manic.
Don’t worry, boys. She wasn’t really in the studio. You’re safe, for now. But brownie points for graciously inviting her to a show, Shane. We at Tards HQ know there’s nothing you’d like LESS, but you’re media-savvy and your experience taught you that lying through your teeth and appearing to enjoy it brings much dough to your soon-to-be-dwindling bank account. Gotta secure that retirement fund now, after all, because the future is filled with semi-successful solo efforts and eventual inevitable stints on “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!”, and you know it.
Jane WILL be at a show. At multiple shows, even. So you’d best work on your cardio, because there’s a whole lotta running still left to do before you’re in the clear of retirement (and even then, who are we kidding, you won’t be able to completely escape the real crazies). Best of luck, lads.
So I had this little dreck for a little while. I stuck it up on my Favorites Bar on Chrome so I won’t forget it exists and I could blog about this.
Unfortunate short story time: My poor mother was derping about on my computer. She was bored and decided to see what this YouTube thing is all about. Lo and behold, there’s a link to a YouTube video on the Favorites Bar… you can imagine the rest.
So this is what now both me and my mother can’t unsee.
There is something inherently creepy in Asian fans in general and Vietnamese fans specifically. All of this crap about reaching them and holding them in your arms, I hope Westlife had some burly looking bodyguards in ‘Nam.
Don’t you just love how the boys are singing in girls’ voices and the girls just sing in boys’ voices? I mean, if they’re basing their strong belief in Westlife and if Nicky is their soul and all, you’d think they’d take some miming lessons from their heroes…
Other new things we learned about Vietnam/the Vietnamese tards:
1. “Restless” is pronounced “Reless”. Where the fuck did the S and T go? And why do you repeat this word so often if you can’t pronounce it?
2. Vietnam is shaped like an awkward looking aging penis.
3. Boyish looking guys have no problem walking around on the street in broad daylight with Tard Shirts that say “West Life Vietnamese Fanclub”.
4. Vietnam is this idyllic place where Westlife can be beautiful and perfect dreams can come true. I wish someone told that to the Americans when they invaded Vietnam and had their asses kicked by Charley.
PS: The blog’s title is a reference both to the Tards’ song, but also to a beautiful haunting song by Jack’s Mannequin called Restless Dream. Give it a listen. Cause if I can’t plug my favorite musicians in the end of these blog posts, what’s the point of writing them?
